Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
