Nicole vs. Life
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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