I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
