I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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