we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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