you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize