glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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