I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
