We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
