taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
