I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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