Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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