i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dignity is for republicans.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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