i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
