her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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