Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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