Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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