I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
