It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
