you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
