Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
