I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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