Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
