Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
