sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
