she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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