Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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