Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Need sex. Gaining weight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
