I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
