I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
