The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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