Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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