dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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