Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
