apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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