I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize