yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
