Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
