I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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