I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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