I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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