i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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