We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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