Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
should my penis look like a turkey
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
