There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
