If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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