take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
