I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
