oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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