you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Four minutes until I can fart!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
