If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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