careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
