complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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