There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
