Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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