ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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