Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize