hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
