you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
