I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
