Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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