i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
