Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
