There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
