i already hear my dad disowning me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
