Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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