How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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