Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
