I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
