if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I deserve this hangover.
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