I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
