do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
