oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
