I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I looked at my own cervix.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
