I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
