he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
