My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
