I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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