Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
they're like a gay fantastic four
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
