Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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