Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
