.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
