somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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