His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize