I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
