Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
