Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize