you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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