Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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