Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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