Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
