my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize