the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
