I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
