WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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