u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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