When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
