Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
