his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
